You've dressed in your semi-finery and you're looking great. Not too flashy, though. Just the right amount so you don't come across as a princess or a player. You have on your best-smelling deodorant. You've toned down your makeup so you look like the person who could easily live next door and you're not showing too much skin. For the boys, you've shaved or shaped your facial hair and you actually brushed your teeth and put on pants! Man or woman, you're looking amazing and ready for your date, but how will it turn out and is it only appearances that matter?
Have a think about what you look for in a person.
Do you go for appearances?
Is it body shape you're more interested in?
Their face?
How they dress?
Regardless, once it's time to sit opposite your potential partner, it will be what you and they do and say that makes up your mind. As always, your friend's fake-call for an emergency will go off 15 minutes into the date, just in case.
"How are you?"
"Thanks for coming."
"You look amazing."
"How about that weather, huh?"
"Sorry I'm an hour late, but you know . . . traffic."
"I want to make one thing clear: we pay for own food and drinks, ok?"
"I have to head off soon, but 10 minutes should be enough time to chat, right?"
"I just started dating someone else, but thought we could meet anyway."
Try to imagine what the perfect opening line would be that you would like to hear. Got it fixed in your mind? Good. Now imagine your dream person saying that exact line. Be truthful, would you think: this person is exactly who I like. Or, would you think: wow, this idiot is trying too hard.
Have we watched too many movies so we now expect our date to be perfect and blemish-free? Do we give our potential life partner too few minutes before we decide yes or no? Is the decision based on the way they present as we shake hands/hug/kiss? In the past, before the internet, we would have met through friends. Other times we might have met at work or while out and about at a bar or activity. If, say, you were at a friend's barbecue and you were introduced to a friend's friend, you would chat for a while, then observe each other from a distance and decide if you liked them from watching the person's interaction with others. This is often the best way rather than the on-the-spot job interview scenario we currently have in place. In the aforementioned casual easy atmosphere around friends and familiar surroundings, you may have accidentally snorted as you laughed or dribbled food down your chin, yet still there would have been another quality you possessed that your potential partner witnessed that still would have won them over.
If you studied relationships from tribal times you would have uncovered the way children grew up around each other playing, to eventually fall into a relationship with the person they were with most. If there were no matches due to age differences or because everyone was already paired, then the male would go for a wander outside of their tribe to the next or wait until they raided a neighbouring tribe and were able to find a wife that way. It was simple, but limited. Not that the tribal way matters, because we are stuck with the way we all interact with each other in modern times as we walk past hundreds of people each day. It should be simple to find someone when there are so many to choose from, right?
The problem may be that not only are people scared of another person's intentions if they are approached, but if a date does actually take place, we don't want just a good date, we want a perfect one.
The only way to combat your dying need for perfection is to realise that perfection is the worst thing for you. Why? Because something will always go wrong with a relationship, it's up to both of you to work it out and make the relationship stronger. You may have a list of the types of red flags that turn you off. And as you happily realise this person has none of them, you decide this is the greatest date ever. Fast forward one to three months and your partner exhibits something new you do not like. Are you going to immediately dump them? Are you going to talk about it and work out your differences? It seems that if you are willing to work out your differences down the track, then you might be willing to do so from the start. Especially if the so-called red flags are preferences rather than real obstacles.
If you continue down the path of looking for perfection, you may be in a never-ending cycle of addiction to searching for the best rather than finding what is good. Have a think about your preferences and make sure you know what is reasonable for a potential partner and what is fantasy. In the end, most of the time, if you let your new partner be themselves they'll be everything you need them to be for a strong relationship.
Or, if you must have what you really want because having everything is your birthright, then there is another way . . .
Go to www.friendlyfamiliars.com and search for someone who fits everything you like about a person. The great thing is that the person you eventually meet through Friendly Familiars will make your date/event/activity as great as it can be. It's their job and they are amazing at it! It will give you the opportunity to not only date a 10/10 person, but also to practice your dating techniques so you can be a 10/10 for someone else one day. Enjoy!
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