Meeting New People and Overcoming Nerves

Just be confident!

How many times has your older sibling or best friend told you to do that just before you went on a date or to a party to meet new people?

Thanks for the advice, but if I could "be confident", don't you think I would have done that by now?

I have no idea how to be someone I do not know how to be.

I can be confident in front of you, that's easy, but what happens when I'm looking confident and someone asks me a question? How do I say the right thing?

I know I'm not normal like everyone else, so I think I'll stay home and crawl into a ball. Thanks anyway.

It's not so easy to know how to act or how to "be yourself" when being yourself is you constantly singing out loud, scratching areas of your body you are not supposed to openly scratch in public, eating with your mouth open while also talking to your cat (who is no doubt plotting to kill you and declare themselves ruler of everything) and wearing clothes that should have gone into the trash before COVID hit. So how do you become the person others want to talk to so you can act like a normal human in front of them?

First, keep singing while you read this article. In fact, go and get that two-day-old pizza out of your fridge, get yourself a glass of wine or beer or both and continue to eat while you're reading and spitting little pieces of food at the screen. It's cool, you're in your own house. Fuck everyone else.

Second, make a boring list of things people generally talk about at these kinds of things you are going to, whether it be to a date or to a party or to a pub where you might start talking to someone cute. The list should be dot points of topics you may have overheard people mention at work or on the train/tram or at a pub, and you thought sounded semi-interesting.

Third, practice with someone. You can practice with your cat initially but then find a human. Possibly that human that told you to be confident. If they're so good at it then they should excel at this, right? Try to remember how other people bring up topics. Choose topics that most people will know at least a little about so you can get them nodding once you start to talk. Also, try to create a question within your topic so others will feel welcome to weigh in (there are going to be people just as anxiety-stricken as you who want something to talk about while not looking like an idiot). Having many topics ready will help you segue into any conversation. If someone talks about the floods in Victoria, you can bring up something like: "El Niño typically leads to reduced spring and early summer rainfall for eastern Australia, and warmer days for the southern two-thirds of the country (no one talks like that, so make sure you change that sentence into something you would actually say). Then say something like: I think it's time to move to Thailand for better weather, hey! When was the last time you went to Thailand?" (if it is a group). If it is an individual, then ask if they have been. If they haven't, ask if they have travelled. If they haven't travelled, don't try to sound superior, just say something like: Melbourne is great, so even if I could move, I love it here too much. What area of Melbourne do you live in? Hopefully the answer is not: You're standing in my house. Who invited you here?

As for the singing out loud and scratching in places people are not supposed to see you scratch, do it anyway if it makes you feel good. Probably don't eat with your mouth open, but do talk to animals. Oh, and a very important bit of information you need to know: Humans are all insane, it's just how well these people have gotten at hiding their insanity from society that makes them all appear normal. No one is proper, calm and confident. If they say they are then they are lying!

Or, maybe you don't need to change yourself. Maybe you can participate in enjoyable activities in Melbourne with a friendly host. 

Does this sound like a better idea to you? 

If so, then sign up with www.friendlyfamiliars.com and find an event you'll enjoy one-on-one. There's so much to do and enjoy that you may as well be with someone who wants to show you the greatest of times in town.