Create Your Perfect Date!

You've dressed in your semi-finery and you're looking great. Not too flashy, though. Just the right amount so you don't come across as a princess or a player. You have on your best-smelling deodorant. You've toned down your makeup so you look like the person who could easily live next door and you're not showing too much skin. For the boys, you've shaved or shaped your facial hair and you actually brushed your teeth and put on pants! Man or woman, you're looking amazing and ready for your date, but how will it turn out and is it only appearances that matter?

Have a think about what you look for in a person.

Do you go for appearances? 

Is it body shape you're more interested in? 

Their face? 

How they dress? 

Regardless, once it's time to sit opposite your potential partner, it will be what you and they do and say that makes up your mind. As always, your friend's fake-call for an emergency will go off 15 minutes into the date, just in case.

"How are you?"

"Thanks for coming."

"You look amazing."

"How about that weather, huh?"

"Sorry I'm an hour late, but you know . . . traffic."

"I want to make one thing clear: we pay for own food and drinks, ok?"

"I have to head off soon, but 10 minutes should be enough time to chat, right?"

"I just started dating someone else, but thought we could meet anyway."

Try to imagine what the perfect opening line would be that you would like to hear. Got it fixed in your mind? Good. Now imagine your dream person saying that exact line. Be truthful, would you think: this person is exactly who I like. Or, would you think: wow, this idiot is trying too hard.

Have we watched too many movies so we now expect our date to be perfect and blemish-free? Do we give our potential life partner too few minutes before we decide yes or no? Is the decision based on the way they present as we shake hands/hug/kiss? In the past, before the internet, we would have met through friends. Other times we might have met at work or while out and about at a bar or activity. If, say, you were at a friend's barbecue and you were introduced to a friend's friend, you would chat for a while, then observe each other from a distance and decide if you liked them from watching the person's interaction with others. This is often the best way rather than the on-the-spot job interview scenario we currently have in place. In the aforementioned casual easy atmosphere around friends and familiar surroundings, you may have accidentally snorted as you laughed or dribbled food down your chin, yet still there would have been another quality you possessed that your potential partner witnessed that still would have won them over.

If you studied relationships from tribal times you would have uncovered the way children grew up around each other playing, to eventually fall into a relationship with the person they were with most. If there were no matches due to age differences or because everyone was already paired, then the male would go for a wander outside of their tribe to the next or wait until they raided a neighbouring tribe and were able to find a wife that way. It was simple, but limited. Not that the tribal way matters, because we are stuck with the way we all interact with each other in modern times as we walk past hundreds of people each day. It should be simple to find someone when there are so many to choose from, right?

The problem may be that not only are people scared of another person's intentions if they are approached, but if a date does actually take place, we don't want just a good date, we want a perfect one.

The only way to combat your dying need for perfection is to realise that perfection is the worst thing for you. Why? Because something will always go wrong with a relationship, it's up to both of you to work it out and make the relationship stronger. You may have a list of the types of red flags that turn you off. And as you happily realise  this person has none of them, you decide this is the greatest date ever. Fast forward one to three months and your partner exhibits something new you do not like. Are you going to immediately dump them? Are you going to talk about it and work out your differences? It seems that if you are willing to work out your differences down the track, then you might be willing to do so from the start. Especially if the so-called red flags are preferences rather than real obstacles.

If you continue down the path of looking for perfection, you may be in a never-ending cycle of addiction to searching for the best rather than finding what is good. Have a think about your preferences and make sure you know what is reasonable for a potential partner and what is fantasy. In the end, most of the time, if you let your new partner be themselves they'll be everything you need them to be for a strong relationship.

Or, if you must have what you really want because having everything is your birthright, then there is another way . . .

Go to www.friendlyfamiliars.com and search for someone who fits everything you like about a person. The great thing is that the person you eventually meet through Friendly Familiars will make your date/event/activity as great as it can be. It's their job and they are amazing at it! It will give you the opportunity to not only date a 10/10 person, but also to practice your dating techniques so you can be a 10/10 for someone else one day. Enjoy!

Meeting New People and Overcoming Nerves

Just be confident!

How many times has your older sibling or best friend told you to do that just before you went on a date or to a party to meet new people?

Thanks for the advice, but if I could "be confident", don't you think I would have done that by now?

I have no idea how to be someone I do not know how to be.

I can be confident in front of you, that's easy, but what happens when I'm looking confident and someone asks me a question? How do I say the right thing?

I know I'm not normal like everyone else, so I think I'll stay home and crawl into a ball. Thanks anyway.

It's not so easy to know how to act or how to "be yourself" when being yourself is you constantly singing out loud, scratching areas of your body you are not supposed to openly scratch in public, eating with your mouth open while also talking to your cat (who is no doubt plotting to kill you and declare themselves ruler of everything) and wearing clothes that should have gone into the trash before COVID hit. So how do you become the person others want to talk to so you can act like a normal human in front of them?

First, keep singing while you read this article. In fact, go and get that two-day-old pizza out of your fridge, get yourself a glass of wine or beer or both and continue to eat while you're reading and spitting little pieces of food at the screen. It's cool, you're in your own house. Fuck everyone else.

Second, make a boring list of things people generally talk about at these kinds of things you are going to, whether it be to a date or to a party or to a pub where you might start talking to someone cute. The list should be dot points of topics you may have overheard people mention at work or on the train/tram or at a pub, and you thought sounded semi-interesting.

Third, practice with someone. You can practice with your cat initially but then find a human. Possibly that human that told you to be confident. If they're so good at it then they should excel at this, right? Try to remember how other people bring up topics. Choose topics that most people will know at least a little about so you can get them nodding once you start to talk. Also, try to create a question within your topic so others will feel welcome to weigh in (there are going to be people just as anxiety-stricken as you who want something to talk about while not looking like an idiot). Having many topics ready will help you segue into any conversation. If someone talks about the floods in Victoria, you can bring up something like: "El Niño typically leads to reduced spring and early summer rainfall for eastern Australia, and warmer days for the southern two-thirds of the country (no one talks like that, so make sure you change that sentence into something you would actually say). Then say something like: I think it's time to move to Thailand for better weather, hey! When was the last time you went to Thailand?" (if it is a group). If it is an individual, then ask if they have been. If they haven't, ask if they have travelled. If they haven't travelled, don't try to sound superior, just say something like: Melbourne is great, so even if I could move, I love it here too much. What area of Melbourne do you live in? Hopefully the answer is not: You're standing in my house. Who invited you here?

As for the singing out loud and scratching in places people are not supposed to see you scratch, do it anyway if it makes you feel good. Probably don't eat with your mouth open, but do talk to animals. Oh, and a very important bit of information you need to know: Humans are all insane, it's just how well these people have gotten at hiding their insanity from society that makes them all appear normal. No one is proper, calm and confident. If they say they are then they are lying!

Or, maybe you don't need to change yourself. Maybe you can participate in enjoyable activities in Melbourne with a friendly host. 

Does this sound like a better idea to you? 

If so, then sign up with www.friendlyfamiliars.com and find an event you'll enjoy one-on-one. There's so much to do and enjoy that you may as well be with someone who wants to show you the greatest of times in town.